New edition of guide endearing and offputting

I always wondered why the Old Farmer’s Almanac had a hole punched in the upper left corner. After some research I learned that many agrarians tied a string to it and hung it in their outhouses, providing a dependable supply of both reading material and toilet paper.

While it purports to rely on time-honoured astronomical calculations and climatic patterns to predict a full year’s worth of weather, there is so much doggerel like frivolous trivia and obtrusive trashy advertising that it’s difficult to paint any value on whatever valid information might be contained therein.

For example, there is a single page that provides the general weather forecast and report for the entire country through to October. This is cleverly smashed in between the pages that entice you with one ad for a product that provides longer and stronger hair and another for some kind of purified water that claims to cure everything from AIDS to cancer. It even goes so far as to quote an unnamed Edmonton doctor who also has a degree in quantum physics, yet states ridiculously that he is “1000%” behind the product. The important question is this: which page should be flushed?

That being said, the November through March forecast has been pretty accurate so far, stating that Alberta would experience an especially brutal winter with temperatures five degrees below normal on average and much above-normal snowfall. In the spring, we should expect above normal precipitation. Only time will tell.

Certainly this must seem skeptical. In fact, this is just one telling characteristic of the book but there was a wealth of other useful information to be found. The almanac provides daylight and stargazing charts that have intrinsic value to many. It offers hints of how and when to plant various vegetables. They throw in a few recipes for goulash and other hearty meals too but mostly it seems like an entertainment periodical.

This really is the oldest bathroom reader around. You might be able to glean specks of advice like the right way to clean a window or mow the lawn or learn where to find Venus near the moon on which day of the year but really it’s just intended to give you something to read while you’re conducting more important business.