I need and have been anxiously awaiting for the last 18 months. I will not chronicle the many reasons for my ongoing state of limbo and the severe consequences to my mental and physical health as I continue to battle, as I have for seven years, an aggressive form of lymphoma which now threatens to end my life, to be perfectly blunt. I am happy to say the light at the end of this tunnel is finally getting closer, given the recent official announcement of the CAR T-cell therapy currently being rolled out to begin treating 56 other patients like me at the Cross and the U of A next month. I have been promised by my truly inspirational oncologist, Dr. Michael Chu, that I will be scheduled for late October or early November to start this therapy, a process that will take several weeks or even months. And I am lucky that if this fails to materialize as planned, he will apply at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. In either case, I have been assured treatment before Christmas because time is running out.
To help fight through the doubt in my darker moments, often in the middle of the night, I create a visual every morning based around a quote to which I add related graphics that reinforce its main ideas. Words have unbelievable power; they can create positivity, inspiration, hope and faith, and focus our thoughts on many other reasons for optimism. This is what the poem did for me as I created this morning’s visualization. The lines, “The hope of inner peace, that will come to us to stay" and "It really makes a difference, if you make that peace within", helped me realize once again that all is not lost and that my journey is very likely to finally end with permanent remission! On the other hand, words can often be used just as effectively; to paint pessimistic pictures, deliberately stimulate strong negative emotions like fear and hate and invoke destructive human behaviours through propaganda, indoctrination and brainwashing. We have seen equal parts of both extremes during this crisis so far, along with a whole spectrum in between. History has shown us that this is nothing new, but the current situation seems to have brought forth new examples to both inspire and appal us. As always, I will focus on the former and block out as much of the latter as possible: this is not denial, it is a personal choice and coping mechanism!
A truly heartfelt thank-you to Don Hamaliuk for restoring my faith and hope in human nature in no small way. Others might fault him for misplaced idealism, but I can honestly say it made this day worth living.
S. Lynne Burns, St. Albert
