Some weeks ago, the murder of a Somalian resident of Edmonton sparked an angry comment from one of the police officers investigating the crime. While the crime occurred in a restaurant with more than 50 other people in attendance, no one was able (or willing) to provide the police with information about a suspect. The officer in question spoke publicly about the situation and stated the Somali community in Edmonton was not providing any assistance to the police. With their feelings hurt, the Somali community objected to these comments, an objection that reached the desk of Edmonton’s acting police chief. In response, the chief apologized to this community for the police officer’s comments.
What I found most interesting about this whole situation was the fact the police chief apologized because one of his men spoke the truth. From a young age, most of us are taught to tell the truth, and if we lie to at least apologize to the individual we have harmed. Many of us are also taught that saying nothing can sometimes be better than telling the truth. While, “They are right Aunt Ethel, you really do look like 20 miles of bad road,” might be a truthful statement, saying it helps no one and likely causes real hurt to Aunt Ethel. Equally, Uncle Archibald would probably not appreciate knowing that “Yes uncle, the whole family thinks you are a jackass.”
Until recently, telling the truth and telling it in a situation where you were trying to catch a criminal or protect a community was not considered an inappropriate act that required an apology. Alas, the times they are indeed a-changing. So to provide clarity to the police and the community, I think the chief needs to provide guidance to all officers by inserting the following comment into training documents for new recruits: “Officers are cautioned that when they are in the process of solving a crime or assisting an individual or individuals, it is inappropriate to make truthful statements, if there is the possibility that the individual(s) in question (or members of their community) could have their feelings hurt.”
This event caused me to consider my own life and my own actions. Were there events in my life where I spoke the truth and spoke it with the objective of helping someone? If so, then I owed apologies to these harmed individuals. Unfortunately, I soon discovered there were hundreds of events in my life where this exact situation had occurred. While it might take the rest of my life to issue all apologies, I’ve started with the following:
• To my sister — my apologies for suggesting you reconsider your decision to start dating a known serial killer. I should have realized that such comments, while true, were also likely to hurt his feelings.
• To my children — I apologize for protecting you from known child abusers and perverts over the years. Even if some people are perverts, I’m sure it hurts their feelings when addressed in this manner.
• Finally, to my wife — my deepest apologies for the times when I have publicly acknowledged your stunning beauty when such comments could have insulted other women. I promise that I shall never mention your beauty again —publicly or privately.
How about you? Whether it’s your priest, minister, best friend, mailman or local banker, get busy. You’ve got some serious apologizing to complete.
Brian McLeod is no longer telling the truth by promising to pay his bills, in case his promise hurts the feelings of his creditors.
