My lovely wife sometimes calls me the world’s youngest grumpy old man. There’s some truth to that, as my regular readers can attest. So, with that in mind, this one goes out to all my readers who are different from most of the people by whom they’re surrounded. Don’t worry — you’re not alone.
When spring comes to Alberta, people spend as much time as they can outdoors. That’s understandable. But the Capital region’s population appears to quintuple between April and September. Because of those truly enviable snowbirds who leave town for much of Alberta’s winter, there might actually be a real population difference. But the appearance of that difference is enhanced by the thronging masses of humanity who clog Alberta’s streets, sidewalks and paths in summer.
Having been born and raised on the prairies, I really value empty space. And yes, even in summer, Alberta streets offer a lot of space. But still, public places are more crowded in the summer. There are more people out driving around and, because the road conditions are better, many of them drive like reckless jerks. It’s annoying (But I must admit that I appreciate the increase in non-polluting transportation during summer.)
Many of these reckless jerks play their music very loud, and I am forced to listen to it. This would be fine if they had good taste in music. But they don’t. They generally listen to the brain-dead Top 40 garbage that they’re fed by corporate radio or crass, anti-social rap music. (There is actually excellent, socially conscious rap music, but people who play music very loud in their cars don’t generally gravitate toward music of that fine intellectual calibre.)
Also, people roll down their car windows in the summer. That means everyone around them gets to inhale their cigarette smoke at red lights. Non-smokers have to roll up their windows to get some fresh air. Most people complain about how, in summer, unattractive people don’t cover themselves up and everyone else is forced to look at unattractive bodies. I don’t agree with what most people consider unattractive. I hate looking at the tans superficial people are so proud of. Tans look bad and remind me that I’m surrounded by people who are so vain that they actually pay money to artificially change their skin colour or sit in the sun and get skin cancer (that my tax dollars go toward treating, thank you very much). However, other than the tans, I have no complaint about people not wearing much outside.
In the summer, TV advertisements remind us that summer is about drinking alcohol, scoring with chicks and listening to bland, embarrassing, corporate poser rock. And the alcohol of summer is the corporate beer that people drink across the country. What a nice idea, Canadians united by a single drink, with no scary diversity. Forget the fact that Canada’s defining feature is variety. And forget the fact that Molson Coors Canada — maker of a beer manipulatively called “Canadian”— is the Canadian division of the Molson Coors Brewing Company, which is incorporated in the United States.
To “summer-ize,” summer reminds me that I’m surrounded by people who blindly do what they’re told by large corporations. It’s annoying and frightening.
Summer does have its good points, such as camping, outdoor music festivals and eating outside. But griping is just more fun (My apologies to friends and family who enjoy anything I’ve griped about. You know I love you).
Dave Lloyd is a writer and musician who grew up in St. Albert.
