Sitting at Starbucks during a weekly office meeting, Karen Osburn picks up her ringing cellphone.
"Hi Karen. It's Barb from Adoption Options," the voice on the other end says.
"We have a baby for you."
In a matter of seconds, life has turned upside down.
With a rambunctious two-and-a-half-year-old boy at daycare and a house undergoing renovations, in a matter of hours Karen and Ed Osburn are adoptive parents for the second time.
"You try to prepare, but you're never fully prepared," says Ed of the year-and-a-half long wait for the newest addition to their family, baby Kai.
Instant parenthood
"Stuff is stuff. Car seat, bassinet, you have some clothes, it's not that difficult with stuff … but we're still trying to process it," adds Karen, while rocking Kai's car seat at the same Starbucks she got the call that changed her life just 10 days before.
"Even with Kai, the second time around, it is instant parenthood."
After several years of struggling with fertility issues, the Osburns turned to adoption to start the family they so greatly yearned for.
Research led them to Adoption Options, a licensed adoption agency that matches expectant parents with adoptive families through international, private and open adoptions.
The couple opted for open adoption – a process whereby birth parents select the adoptive family and remain in contact with them after the child has been placed – for both their children.
The Osburns welcomed their first son Tyson in 2010. Kai came along in early August 2013.
From the beginning of the application process with the agency – attending seminars, home studies and completing mounds of paperwork, all at the expense of nearly $10,000 per placement – the Osburns waited almost two years for each child.
"Adoption can be a really great thing, but it also comes with a sense of loss," noted Barb Keppy, a registered social worker with Adoption Options in Edmonton.
"Prospective adoptive parents have had to come to accept that they are not able to have a child biologically so they really have to come to terms with adoption as a good thing for them."
Karen explained the couple had been trying to start a family for so many years that it created resentment towards other parents who didn't need reference letters and police checks in order to have a baby.
"There's almost a little bit of grieving," added Ed. "You go through that state of, well we're successful in everything we do ... and this is the one thing we can't control."
Once adoptive parents are on the waiting list they may get a baby before the ink dries on the paperwork, or it might take up to two years, explained Keppy. Open adoptions are entirely dependent on when the birth mother is due and who the birth parents choose.
For the Osburns, it was a waiting game.
"You know what the room is going to be. It's the baby room," explained Ed. "But you don't want to take the step of setting everything up and walking past that door every day and (waiting for) the phone call."
Perfect match
When Chanel Dalrymple found out she was pregnant with Karen and Ed's adopted son Tyson, she was already 20 weeks along.
Dalrymple, then 16, said the decision to put Tyson up for adoption was difficult and emotional. Her parents were supportive, but the birth father wasn't and her financial situation was less than ideal.
"I miss (Tyson) a lot every day and sometimes I have my crying moments," she said. "But no, I don't regret it at all."
The agency Adoption Options aims to match 60 expectant parents with adoptive families every year. In 2012 they placed 57 children.
Keppy explained expectant parents are often able to raise their children, but it comes down to their circumstances – whether they're young, still in school or have five other children and can't afford another mouth to feed.
She explained that contrary to popular belief, birth mothers come from all walks of a life, from 12 years of age to 48.
"There is so much guilt around an expecting parent. There is shame, they are scared that their baby is going to think that they didn't love them," said Keppy.
"They know in their heart of hearts that adoption is a good thing for their child because they're just not in a good place."
Dalrymple chooses to think of adoption in a positive light. She knew she wouldn't be able to provide for Tyson and a different family could.
"You're helping out a family that can't have kids of their own. You're giving them a chance to have a family."
Dalrymple also said placing Tyson up for adoption has given her perspective.
"I changed in a lot of ways," she said. "I have grown up fast and it kind of makes big decisions a little bit easier."
"I think back and my biggest decision of all was Tyson."
Family tree
Before their own experience, Karen and Ed Osburn were faced with many of the misconceptions people associate with open adoption, such as possible interference from the birth parents when raising the child.
"We thought the first time around that if we didn't have contact with the birth parents it would be easier," admitted Karen, but after doing further research the couple realized that keeping in contact with the birth parents was healthier and more beneficial for the child in the long run.
Having kept in touch with Tyson's birth mom with visits at the Osburns' home every few months, Karen described that her heart sank when Kai's birth mother decided she did not want to meet them.
"It's kind of like this very strange, awkward relationship that you try to figure out," she said of raising children with two sets of parents. "But I know how important that is, for the adopted kids to know where they've come from or to have the opportunity to ask those questions later in life."
"Often adoptive parents are scared of the birth parents – what if they interfere? What if they stalk us? What if they always want to make decisions for the baby? What if it's confusing for the child?" explained Keppy. "Well, none of that is true."
"We kind of liken it to being at a family gathering with lots of cousins around. When everyone starts to leave, do the kids know who to go home with? Yes, they do. The kids don't go home with the wrong parent."
Karen acknowledged that being an adoptive parent does have its difficulties, but it is no more challenging than parenting your own biological child.
"I don't feel less of a parent, it's just a different type of family," she said.
"The biggest thing I would like for people to know is the sacrifice and the responsible decision that the birth moms make in choosing to place their babies."
"It irks me when people say, 'You adopted, that's so nice of you.' I don't think people quite understand just what (the birth mom) has done for us."
Looking back, Karen said she is happy with the way everything worked out and the subsequent creation of her family of four.
"I don't think everything happens for a reason, but this was what was supposed to happen. We were supposed to adopt these two beautiful boys."
To read the Osburns' blog posts about adoption, visit their website at: http://synergyfamilywellnesscentre.com/ Any questions can also be directed to [email protected].
