For Lynne Rosychuk, there is no way to escape domestic violence.
Her daughter, Jessica Martel, was killed two years ago by her common-law husband in Morinville. Rosychuk has never spoken publicly about her ordeal.
Now, on the occasion of the second anniversary of that tragic event on April 29, 2009, she is breaking her silence to reveal her pain, and talk about what went wrong in the hopes no one else has to go through a similar nightmare.
"It's been a long two years for us and we're just hoping that sharing our story will help motivate people to get involved, to make changes in some of the areas that need to be changed," she said.
The experience has taught her that people who are being abused need to stand up and get out. Rosychuk said her daughter was very frightened of her partner — even afraid for her life and for those of their three children.
"She felt like she could not go and report him to the police because really she couldn't prove that he was abusing her. He started to get really smart about how he hit her and what he did."
In this case the cycle of abuse ran deep, and at times Martel defended her husband, saying things were good and he was changing. In reality, the abuse continued.
With few other options, the family started devising a plan to get her out.
"We were told at that time that if we approached victims' services and explained our story to them, that they would contact children's services and an investigation would be started."
As it turned out, the system worked against them in more ways than one.
"Nobody knows who made the call. Those things never happened. When she tried to get into a women's shelter, the wait to get in … was six to eight weeks."
This is one area Rosychuk wants to change. When women need help, they should be able to get to safety immediately and not have to wait up to two months, she said.
Pleas for help from social service agencies were also denied.
"We felt like we kept hitting one road block after another."
Family fights for Jessica
Martel's relationship was always fraught with problems and her family encouraged her to seek help and escape.
Rosychuk said they realized that was easier said than done because abusers are good at manipulating people into doing what they want. At some points, he used the children as bargaining chips to force her into compliance.
When a plan was set in motion to get Martel to break free, her husband discovered what was going on. He beat her, cut her and strangled her to death with the children present in the family home.
James Gary Urbaniak pleaded guilty to second-degree murder and is now serving a life sentence for the brutal killing.
Rosychuk compares her own experiences as a life sentence of sorts. She will never be able to escape the effects of the abuse that her daughter suffered because she and her husband Lawrence are now taking care of their three orphaned grandchildren.
The system, now that all the damage has been done, seems to be working with support and counselling for the family.
"I'm just hoping that, with us sharing this story, that we can help make some changes in some of those programs that are going to work for these women to get out safely. It needs to be told more openly where you can go for help.
"These women need to find a place to stay where they can feel safe."
That was also the substance of a speech she gave on Saturday at the St. Albert Stop Abuse in Families' Red Shoe Gala.
If there's one thing Rosychuk wants others to learn from her ordeal, it's to "get knowledge."
"Find out how you can help these women get out safely. Just don't keep it quiet."
System faces challenges
Doreen Slessor, SAIF's executive director, says incidences of domestic abuse and family violence are on the rise. She also knows not everyone is able to get the help they need.
A few weeks ago the Alberta Council of Women's Shelters reported that more and more people are being turned away from shelters. Last Nov. 25 — the International Day to End Violence Against Women — 42 of Alberta's 43 shelters took in 816 women and 771 children over a 24-hour period.
According to that same report, 51 women and 79 children were turned away during that same time frame.
"We see it every single day," Slessor said.
This sobering statistic leaves Slessor with the notion that another shelter is needed to serve more local interests. For her clients, the closest centres are in Edmonton, unless they want to travel to Whitecourt, Slave Lake or Lac La Biche.
St. Albert is the largest city in Alberta without its own shelter. In fact, there isn't one in the entire area covering St. Albert, Morinville, Legal and all of Sturgeon County — an area with a population of about 100,000.
Again, easier said than done, Slessor said. Even a basic request for information on how to start up a shelter has been met with frustration.
"We've been trying desperately to get a hold of the Alberta Council for Women's Shelters. No one's returned our calls. We don't know why. We've been trying for a year now."
The Gazette left a message with the organization for a request for comment. That call has not been returned.
Mayor Nolan Crouse, when asked about city council's stance on a local shelter, says he's wondered about the absence of a facility but also isn't sure if the need is there.
"I don't know what the numbers would show. I haven't asked what the demand would be or what the potential use would be. Honestly, I just haven't spent any time on it."
What to do
First you must determine if you're in an abusive relationship. You can look at SAIF's website (www.stopabuse.ca) to read the warning signs like a partner mocking you, always claiming to be right and constantly interrupting you while you're talking.
If violence has been used and you need medical attention it's recommended that you call 911 right away. However, if you have not been physically harmed then the next step is to decide if the situation is bad enough to leave.
"I can't stress importantly enough, if you are thinking of leaving, you need to have a safety plan," Slessor emphasized, suggesting that SAIF, RCMP and St. Albert Victims' Services organizations are all helpful.
"The highest risk of lethality is when you leave, so don't leave without a safety plan."
You can call SAIF at 780-460-2195 to set up an appointment for counselling.
