They will put up with anything

There was no substance to his threats and the nurse knew it. But there was anger in the man's voice and his fists were balled, white knuckles showing.

"You stupid bitch. I will report you to the police for how you're treating people here."

It was an afternoon in December, I sat in a doctor's office on the south side of Edmonton, and watched the scene unfold at the nurse's desk.

The man and his wife spent two hours waiting for a check-up necessary for her residency application. They did not book an appointment, and doctors assessing immigration cases are far and few in the city.

Despite knowing that they had to wait, the husband grew increasingly agitated. At first, his wife tried to calm him. When the shouting started, she stood quietly, head and shoulders lowered, eyes focused on the floor.

The nurse said he was free to report her for making them wait. Then she asked him to leave the building and wait for his wife's appointment somewhere else.

He did leave. I watched him pace between nearby shops, fists clinched, shooting angry looks at the clinic.

"If he's talking to me like this in here I can only imagine how he talks to you at home," the nurse said to the woman, "If you need help or he abuses you in any way, come back and I will help you."

I don't know the end to the story. But I wonder how many immigrants endure abusive relationships, thinking it's their only chance to a better life.

I'm not the only one.

"They would put up with anything, because anything in Canada is better than everything that happened in their country," says Doreen Slessor, executive director of St. Albert Stop Abuse in Families (SAIF), responding to some of the cases she hears about at her office.

Silent about abuse

The latest and worst of these cases is the murder of Thuy Tien Truong and her family, shot and killed by her husband Phu Lam just after Christmas in their Edmonton home.

The murder, in the wake of a long history of control, abuse and death threats, is a prime example of a domestic abuse gone horribly wrong, says Slessor.

The good news is those cases are very rare.

Lam was a special case of domestic terrorism, the kind that "don't happen often but make it on the news" when they do. The bad news is that most families live with abuse, whatever form it may take, without ever asking for help.

But if people came in earlier, "we can pull some resources and prevent some of the really tragic stuff that happens," says Slessor.

There are many reasons why people stay with their abusive partner and no situation is the same.

Some believe their relationship will change. Others don't want to leave behind their children or pets. The courts take a long time to process divorce and abuse. And there are often financial reasons and a lack of safe places to go to that keep victims at home.

In the case of immigrant families, many fear that leaving their partner will result in losing their only support.

"There are cases where the entire family rallies against the wife and asks her not to report (the abuse)," says Slessor.

There are also cultural reasons at play, says Narad Kharel, settlement counsellor with Catholic Social Services in Edmonton. In some families, issues are only dealt with on the inside, however grave, he says.

Some are very conscious about protecting their honour, or the way others see them on the outside. (That's a cross-cultural problem, adds Slessor. Nobody wants to let neighbours know that life at home is terror.)

Kharel says his job is to listen and give advice. Catholic Social Services has no legal authority but they try to find solutions or calm the situation by talking to the victim's community, or friends and family.

If that doesn't work "we call 911," he says.

Distrust of authorities

The majority of domestic abuse reported in St. Albert takes place in Canadian families, says Cpl. Laurel Kading with the RCMP. But domestic violence amongst or against immigrants happens.

SAIF reports the number of abuse cases affecting foreign nationals has grown in recent years, as more people move to the Edmonton region. The problem is that many immigrants don't know their rights, or where to turn, says Kading.

"Not that we are trying to make it difficult. But in some countries there is an inherent distrust of any police officers because they aren't necessarily honourable," she says. "So they won't necessarily turn to the police here."

It is a real worry for many immigrants to lose their status in Canada, and being sent home, she adds. A person can be charged with withholding someone's passport and nobody can kick another person out of the country, she stresses.

The RCMP have resources and organizations they can look to for help, such as the St. Albert Food Bank, Catholic Social Services and SAIF. When it comes to inquiring into the legalities of immigration cases and sponsors turning abusive, they will contact immigration services for advice.

"And if you have people in the community you trust, we will work with these people," she says.

Asked how immigration deals with abuse of foreign nationals, Kevin Menard, press secretary with Citizenship and Immigration Canada, responded in an email that the Canadian government has a "strong track record" when it comes to protecting vulnerable immigrants.

Since 2012, victims of violence and neglect can report abuse within the spousal sponsorship program. Since Nov. 5, 2014, the government also introduced the Zero Tolerance for Barbaric Cultural Practices Act which helps protect spouses and children from abusive practices "such as forced marriage, honour killings and polygamy."

"We will continue to work hard with law enforcement partners, and other stakeholders, to insure that all immigrants are aware of their rights in Canada to help prevent those abuses that have no place in Canadian society," he said.

Watch out for neighbours

"What do I do if this turns violent?"

The discomfort of that question was visible on the face of everyone waiting at the doctor's office. It comes with a decision of taking action or looking away.

The nurse didn't hesitate but too many others do, says Kading.

"It's a very personal matter, there is a lot of scare that comes with it and a lot of vulnerability," she says.

Victims of domestic abuse depend on others to call for help.

A lot of people don't realize that they are victims of a crime. Many might believe what the abuser tells them, or believe their relationship is "normal." But if you witness or hear abuse taking place, it's your responsibility to report it, says Kading.

Be that as family, friends, employers or by-standers.

"It doesn't mean we expect them to fix everything, but that they know whom to call," she says.